B + M = 1

The equation above is, in actual fact, not a real equation. I just made it up. (I’m sad to say that my mathematic days are over!)

But it does stand for something: The ‘B’ stands for Body and the ‘M’ stands for Mind. So, there we have it!

Body + Mind = 1.

I find the idea of the body and the mind “being at one” with each other fascinating as, up until this point, I have always believed it to be impossible – despite what the yoga teachers say! Because let’s face it, if you’ve ever participated in a yoga/pilates class, I am sure you’ll agree with me that when the instructor tells you to “Focus on your breathing” and to ” Clear your mind” the opposite is normally happening! Your thoughts are wildly drifting and you are probably thinking about what you are going to eat later on or what you should have done yesterday, or how weird it is that you are sitting on a mat thinking about what you are thinking about!

I find it extraordinary how the body and the mind can detach from each other despite being intricately linked with nerves and feedback systems.

Think about it, there is so much that our bodies do for us of their own accord, without the permission or input of our conscious minds. We do not have to actively tell our hearts to beat constantly, neither do we have to command our cells to repair themselves when we are hurt – our body just does it automatically. The body is, seemingly, very much independent from the conscious part of our brain yet it is our brain that tells the body what to do in the first place!

I have often wished I could have more control over my body because I want to take the credit. I want to be aware of myself telling my organs to function and my muscles to move, but my body is already doing it for me, my brain has bypassed my consciousness and has already subconsciously commanded my body to look after itself!

It is a very abstract concept to think about and it’s even harder to explain but nevertheless I think it is so interesting.

I think the key thing to remember, however, is that sometimes we cannot totally be in tune with our bodies because it is just not simply meant to be that way and we have to accept that! We would never get anything done if we had to consciously tell ourselves to breathe and, in times of trauma, we rely on the adrenaline and “fight or flight” response our brain automatically sends to our bodies to keep us alive!

In my opinion, it all boils down to trust. Our brains have to learn to trust our bodies and our bodies have to learn to trust our brains and all the thoughts and emotions that come with that. Our minds and our bodies may never “be one”, but they can learn to accept each other and act as a team.

Too often we allow our bodily appetites to control our minds – or perhaps it is the other way around – but imagine how different our lives would be if we could allow the two to co-exist without guilt or fear or disappointment? If we could accept the fact that, despite our body not being hungry for that ice cream, our brain wanted it and so we allowed our body to eat it to please the brain and didn’t feel bad afterwards! One does not control the other and the two should work alongside each other. It’s about compromise. It’s a relationship.

I saw a really cool quote today about marriage that I think applies:

We should not have to compromise one or the other, both are as vital as each other and both need to be recognized for their valuable work they do in keeping us alive.

My body and my brain still disagree regularly on many things. They fight over the major, and the minor matters in life. Sometimes both of them present valid arguments that require careful consideration but it is not easy being at odds with myself so often I make the wrong decision!

I think it is important to be aware of both. To be mindful of your feelings but also of your surroundings.

Listen to your body and listen to your mind and, one day, maybe the two might just agree with each other!

R x

Stigmas.

Stigma ˈstɪɡmə/ noun – A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.
eg. “the stigma of mental disorder”

Let’s face it – we all have them.

But why?

Well, because deep down inside all of us is a prideful, judgmental little minx that likes to find faults in others.

What this minx thinks about people isn’t often shared out loud – as it would be socially unacceptable – due to the nature of it’s spiteful character, however it’s opinion still gets out there somehow. It’s in the way we act, the way we look and the way we treat other people. Sometimes it’s presence can even be felt in the atmosphere; an unpleasant vibe that circulates the area.

Stigmas aren’t nice. They are, in affect, negative stereotypes of people, places and things that are all too often completely untrue.

I’ve been thinking about a few of the most common stigmas in our society that I think need addressing – without the aid of minx’s opinions!

1 – Jobs 

Why is it that people think if you work in fast food or some other low-paid high-turnaround job that you are dumb, have no sense of direction or are desperate? Sure those jobs may not be ideal, but they pay! And people are working for their money! They are harder than you think too, it’s not just a case of putting fries in a bag – or whatever it may be – these jobs are demanding, both physically and emotionally. Besides, most of the time these jobs are a temporary thing or are a stepping stone to a better job. So who are we to judge someone on their occupation? At least they aren’t sat on their bums doing nothing!

2 – Overweight People

You can’t really go anywhere these days without seeing someone who is struggling with their weight. It’s a sad truth, but it does not mean that these people are ugly, lazy and stupid so should not be treated this way. Rude and hurtful comments are not the way forward. There is something deeper going on in these people’s lives that are causing them to be like this and there are so many others factors to bear in mind, such as; genetics, hormones, illnesses, trauma, stress, disease etc. I watched a really interesting documentary the other day with Katie Hopkins entitled “To Fat and Back”. Basically it was following Katie Hopkins (an English columnist and tv personality star), who is VERY opinionated, put on 3 stone (approx 42lbs) in 3 months, and then loose it all in another consecutive 3 months just to prove a point! She is very prejudice against overweight people and said; “I’ve always criticised fat people, so I decided to put my money where my mouth is.” “…fatties have the one thing disabled people don’t have. They have choice. Nobody’s forcing them to shovel food in their faces.” I couldn’t believe how insensitive she was yet, by the end of her journey she was able to develop some sympathy and realised that there is more emotion involved in eating than she initially thought. Body image and size is a topic that’s very close to my heart and I can completely relate to those who suffer with eating related issues. No one should be made to feel inadequate or worthless based on their size or outward appearance. It’s just not right.

3 – Teeth

In another program I watched recently, called “The Truth About Your Teeth” -(Yeah, I watch a lot of weird documentaries!)- they did an experiment whereby they got a picture of a young attractive lady with nice white teeth and showed the public. They asked for people’s opinions of the woman based on their first impressions of her and the results were: smart, clever, attractive, pretty etc. Then they photo shopped the picture so that the woman had some missing teeth as well as some rotten ones and showed it to the public again. This time the response was unbelievable! Suddenly people no longer found her attractive and smart but rather; untrustworthy, not very clever, unattractive and stupid. Wow! This is the same woman we are talking about! So why do we instantly form an opinion on someone’s character based on something as trivial as teeth?! I, myself have a missing tooth as I was born with a condition that means I won’t get all my adult teeth when the milk teeth fall out. If I knew that people thought of me in that way without a tooth I would never leave the house! I have in fact, lost my false tooth a number of times before and I have to say, it is a horrible experience! My self confidence plummets and I feel like everyone is looking at me in a judgmental, disapproving way. My advice – look after your teeth! However if it’s too late for that or other circumstances have caused your smile not to be deemed as “Hollywood acceptable” just know that it does not make you any less of a person than you already are! If people have an issue with your smile then that’s their problem!

4 – Single parents (Particularly mums)

It’s sad that these people are often looked down upon in society. Sure, even though some of them may have made some mistakes that mean their situation could be deemed as “their own fault”, it should not give any of us a right to judge them. It is also important to remember that it is not the fault of the child and if the parent is working hard at looking after that child and providing a future for them, then kudos to them! It’s no longer about the past, it’s all about the present. On wards and upwards. Also, in many circumstances, it may not be anyone’s “fault” anyway, the other partner could have valid reasons for not being present but we just don’t know that and should therefore, not speculate.

And finally…

5 – Mental illnesses 

It is estimated that 1 in 4 are suffering with some kind of mental illness. These could range from anxiety, depression, OCD, schizophrenia, bipolar, eating disorders, and so on. Unless you have suffered with some kind of mental disorder yourself I think it is hard to comprehend just how crippling they are but that doesn’t mean that you can’t try to understand or sympathize with those who are struggling. It was only a number of decades ago that those who were mentally ill were shunned, experimented on and put in exhibitions to be scorned at! But what I think people fail to realise about mental disorders is that there is always a rational part of the mind left – no matter how small, it is there. A conscious part of the brain that knows exactly what is going on but is unable to control what is happening. Mental disorders do not mean you are a crazy lunatic with no concept of what is going on, they are a disease, an illness. What if we treated people with mental illnesses like we did physical illnesses? How do you think that would work out?

People think that you can be”cured” by just telling yourself you can change but it’s not that easy and often, there is no way to fully recover. We have come a long way in terms of understanding and controlling mental disorders but we still have some work to do on accepting them – just as we do for all of the above stigmas.

So let’s all try and make a combined effort to accept people for who they are with no preconceptions or judgments in the back of our minds. Let’s make everyone feel welcome and important and maybe, we too, will feel comfortable in our own skins if we treat others as we wish to be treated.

love

R x

*Stigma definition source: Google

Ruby’s 7+ Wonders of the World.

Do you ever detach yourself from the current situation you find yourself in and think about life? … I do!

I love reflecting on the deep matters of existence as well the more trivial ones. I also love to find humor in the mundane, everyday moments in life as I think so often these little gems go un-noticed. If you take the time to tune into life and really pay attention to your surroundings you’ll realise just how vibrant life really is!

So, here are my seven (plus a few extra) Wonders of the World:

1 – When it’s really windy outside and the trees are swaying, often they will squeak and it is the coolest thing! Listen closely!

2 – The fact that, when it gets dark, everyone (well, the majority of people) go home to their little houses, get into comfy pajamas and go to sleep! They could be the meanest of bosses, the snobbiest of teachers, the cruelest of criminals yet, they all lie down and shut their eyes and dream, every night. Isn’t that funny?!

3 – When you visit a house with a dog and, guaranteed, it will always come running up to you and go straight for your crotch! Why is that?!  #awkward.

4 – When you are walking on the pavement and a car passes you – the driver will always be staring you down! Yet, when you are driving and you see someone walking, you can’t help but be nosey and see who it is!

5 – Cakes! Who’d have thought that when you add flour, solidified milk (butter), sugar and the thing that comes out of a chicken’s butt (egg) you get a spongy, fluffy bread thing?! Science is incredible!

6 – The reflection of water. There’s something so exotic and inciting about it! Mmmm.

7 – The ugliness of turkeys! They really are something else!

8 – The fact that you can drive the same route countless times and think you know it like the back of your hand yet, if you walk it, you’ll see things you never knew existed and will get a completely new perspective!

9 – The ability to keep on loving! You may think you have reached your capacity but someone/something new can come along and steal your heart all over again because there is always room for more!

I think everyone should have their own list of “Wonders”! So, go find yours! 🙂

R xx

The Comparison Game.

I don’t play games that often, but when I do … I do! I guess you could say I’m a bit of a competitive person in that regard.

Most of the time I play by the rules but occasionally a little bit of cheating is needed in order to win!

If, however, you do abide by the rules at all times you’ll be well aware of the fact that in the game “Snap” you can only win a round if you have two cards that are exactly the same. If this is not the case then you cannot win.

Similarly in mathematics, you cannot solve an algebraic equation unless you have alike terms, for example in the sum: 2a+3b, the answer cannot be 5ab because ‘a’ and ‘b’ are not the same and cannot be put together this way.

I think this concept of exactness and similarity in games, and formulas alike, is really interesting because we accept it and comply with the rules. In life however, we fail to apply these same principles to ourselves and the consequences are quite sad. Let me explain what I mean…

Without trying to sound too cliché, I will state the obvious and say that we are all unique! – (because we are) – and there is no one like you, you are 100% yourself. 

Yet when we see other people who we think are more attractive than ourselves or have better lives than us in general, we compare ourselves with them.

BUT there is a fundamental problem with doing this. How can we compare ourselves to others when we aren’t even the same to start with? It’s like comparing the drawing of a child with that of a professional artist – of course the professional’s is going to be superior but that is because they got a head start, they have years of experience behind them. The two were never even on the same starting blocks, they are different and that means that they cannot be judged in the same way.

So, you see a really beautiful person walking down the street, they are tall, well proportioned and impeccably dressed. You instantly feel inadequate. That morning you were in a rush so shoved on some scruffy clothes and now you are regretting it. You are short, maybe not as slim as you would like to be. In short, you feel gross. You look at the person walking towards you and you maybe feel a little jealous, frustrated at yourself and the circumstances you are in and you jump to conclusions that this person has a better life than you; they are inevitably happy, carefree and popular and you are just boring and slobby.

This will obviously not be the case as everyone is going through something and no one can be completely happy with all aspects of their life – (and if they are, then that’s just weird!). But we, mere mortals, think we have the right to judge others on first glance and in addition to that, will judge ourselves based on how we view those people. We use them as measuring sticks for our own lives and compare ourselves with them and how we deem they live their lives.

I willingly admit that I am guilty of playing the comparison game all too much. I will see someone – a complete stranger in fact – and will instantly form an opinion on them based on how they make me feel about myself. (It’s not good I know, but I’m sure we all do it – subconsciously or not!)

* * *

Going back to games, have you ever played the paper game with a group of people where you each, in turn, draw a part of a body ie, a head, a torso, legs etc. and then roll it down for the next person to draw the next part? It sounds complicated but it really isn’t! The results are usually something like this:

It’s a lot of fun and can be hilarious! But I think if this were the case in real life, if we could pick and choose body parts or certain aspects of ourselves we would all be a shambles!

Perhaps you would see people like this walking down the road:

Yeah. (I certainly did not spend over an hour cropping this!)

The point is, we are who we are for a reason and we cannot change ourselves – only our attitudes.

We will always want to have parts of other people in our lives because we view others differently to ourselves. We are more lenient toward them but harsh with ourselves.

There will ALWAYS be someone who is seemingly more attractive or more likable or more successful than us and we can allow that to bother us if we want, but equally we can take it in our stride and realize that comparing ourselves to others is void and completely irrelevant. No one is the same as you – you cannot judge yourselves or others based on conceptions you have that are often false.

I know it’s hard – trust me – I am so bad at doing this but I know that it’s not the way forward and being happy in your own skin has got to be the ultimate goal and the ultimate indication of contentment.

Learn to love.

R xxx