The Comparison Game.

I don’t play games that often, but when I do … I do! I guess you could say I’m a bit of a competitive person in that regard.

Most of the time I play by the rules but occasionally a little bit of cheating is needed in order to win!

If, however, you do abide by the rules at all times you’ll be well aware of the fact that in the game “Snap” you can only win a round if you have two cards that are exactly the same. If this is not the case then you cannot win.

Similarly in mathematics, you cannot solve an algebraic equation unless you have alike terms, for example in the sum: 2a+3b, the answer cannot be 5ab because ‘a’ and ‘b’ are not the same and cannot be put together this way.

I think this concept of exactness and similarity in games, and formulas alike, is really interesting because we accept it and comply with the rules. In life however, we fail to apply these same principles to ourselves and the consequences are quite sad. Let me explain what I mean…

Without trying to sound too cliché, I will state the obvious and say that we are all unique! – (because we are) – and there is no one like you, you are 100% yourself. 

Yet when we see other people who we think are more attractive than ourselves or have better lives than us in general, we compare ourselves with them.

BUT there is a fundamental problem with doing this. How can we compare ourselves to others when we aren’t even the same to start with? It’s like comparing the drawing of a child with that of a professional artist – of course the professional’s is going to be superior but that is because they got a head start, they have years of experience behind them. The two were never even on the same starting blocks, they are different and that means that they cannot be judged in the same way.

So, you see a really beautiful person walking down the street, they are tall, well proportioned and impeccably dressed. You instantly feel inadequate. That morning you were in a rush so shoved on some scruffy clothes and now you are regretting it. You are short, maybe not as slim as you would like to be. In short, you feel gross. You look at the person walking towards you and you maybe feel a little jealous, frustrated at yourself and the circumstances you are in and you jump to conclusions that this person has a better life than you; they are inevitably happy, carefree and popular and you are just boring and slobby.

This will obviously not be the case as everyone is going through something and no one can be completely happy with all aspects of their life – (and if they are, then that’s just weird!). But we, mere mortals, think we have the right to judge others on first glance and in addition to that, will judge ourselves based on how we view those people. We use them as measuring sticks for our own lives and compare ourselves with them and how we deem they live their lives.

I willingly admit that I am guilty of playing the comparison game all too much. I will see someone – a complete stranger in fact – and will instantly form an opinion on them based on how they make me feel about myself. (It’s not good I know, but I’m sure we all do it – subconsciously or not!)

* * *

Going back to games, have you ever played the paper game with a group of people where you each, in turn, draw a part of a body ie, a head, a torso, legs etc. and then roll it down for the next person to draw the next part? It sounds complicated but it really isn’t! The results are usually something like this:

It’s a lot of fun and can be hilarious! But I think if this were the case in real life, if we could pick and choose body parts or certain aspects of ourselves we would all be a shambles!

Perhaps you would see people like this walking down the road:

Yeah. (I certainly did not spend over an hour cropping this!)

The point is, we are who we are for a reason and we cannot change ourselves – only our attitudes.

We will always want to have parts of other people in our lives because we view others differently to ourselves. We are more lenient toward them but harsh with ourselves.

There will ALWAYS be someone who is seemingly more attractive or more likable or more successful than us and we can allow that to bother us if we want, but equally we can take it in our stride and realize that comparing ourselves to others is void and completely irrelevant. No one is the same as you – you cannot judge yourselves or others based on conceptions you have that are often false.

I know it’s hard – trust me – I am so bad at doing this but I know that it’s not the way forward and being happy in your own skin has got to be the ultimate goal and the ultimate indication of contentment.

Learn to love.

R xxx