Not inspired.

I’m really sorry, but i’m just not feeling it today and that’s the honest truth!

Nothing inspirational is coming to me and I don’t want to make something up and write just for the sake of it.

Instead of being boring and not doing anything though, I thought I’d sit back and entertain you with some cheesy pictures from my webcam! Whenever I am down, the webcam always manages to bring me to hysterics! – I would seriously recommend it to anyone who is feeling ‘Blah’.

  

Any caption ideas for these? Maybe we could have a competition?! …

Thanks for reading! – maybe tomorrow I’ll feel more motivated!

R xx

“They see me rollin’…”

Let’s face it, when it comes to cars we all want to look cool. Whether we have a flashy car to show off or a humble banger to look good in, we want to be the one that causes heads to turn – for all the right reasons!

    

My favourite car has always been the Mini, and I am fortunate enough to be driving one at this point in my life.

As fun as it is, if I could sum up driving in one word it’d have to be … MONEY. Cars are pricey little things – or should I call them “Death traps” – as my mother once told me they were! :S

It really annoys me when I clean the car and then as soon as I drive it back home it looks like I never washed it in the first place! They get so dirty so quickly! Gargh.

  

Today I journeyed back to my home town as I have a little cousin’s 1st birthday party to attend tomorrow. This meant I booked a private two and a half hour session for myself and the car for a nice chill-out, blast-the-music, ponder-life opportunity.

I must admit, it was actually quite a fairly eventful trip and proved to be an accurate representation of what I think real driving is like….

    TRAFFIC.

Then, once I finally inched my way through it, this happened:

  A reminder that I need to splash out more cash!

This however, cheered me up at the petrol station! I got quite the eye-full!

There’s nothing like a builder’s bum to bring a smile to your face! Haha!

Now for the embarrassing bit…the bit where I want to say I looked really cool singing along to the catchy Friday night radio tunes. But that’s not how it goes and I swore this blog was about honesty! …

HOT. (even if my face wasn’t, the music was! 😉 )

Now for my “joking-aside-I’m-seriously-concentrating-not-in-the-mood-for-traffic” driving face:

* Don’t you just love the natural face we all pull when we aren’t forcing a selfie smile?!

One last hurdle that happens at least once (in my case more!) to all of us at some point during our driving careers – accidents:

* A lorry (or truck Canadian friends!) scraped alongside me as we crawled through traffic. Another bill to pay 😦 Joy.

On the plus side, it was a lovely drive through the country and I’m enjoying seeing my family!

Happy Weekend!  And drive safe! xxx

The beauty of scars.

I think scars are cool.

They come in all shapes and sizes and colours and are all completely unique. Most importantly however, they tell stories.

I love stories and I love learning about other people’s personal stories. I guess that is partly the reason for why I am writing this blog – because I enjoy telling people about my experiences and hope I am giving inspiration to others with similar ones. (Besides, if I didn’t enjoy it, I’d be a bit of a nutter exposing all of these embarrassing pictures of myself!) …… Alright, maybe I am a bit of a nutter 😛

But anyway … here is a little photo gallery of scars sourced from, you guessed it, my body!

* They all have their own stories too!

* This little one on my wrist was from when I was a toddler and burnt myself on the iron. I don’t remember it but apparently I hid myself and kept it all a secret because I thought I’d get into trouble!

 

* This one on my forearm is from the oven shelf as I reached in to get a cake out!

  

* The little bobbly pink bit on my elbow is from when I fell off my bike on the way to school one day. At the time my body didn’t have the reserves to heal effectively so as a result I still have the evidence of my clumsy fall today!

** The purple skin on my knee is also from the same accident!

These scars have all been pretty minor.

BUT THERE’S MORE!

Just when my body thought it had been through it all, I noticed a curve in my spine. It wasn’t painful but when I bent down I looked something like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. One shoulder blade would protrude much more than the other and my rib cage was twisted. The curve got progressively worse over time until the only option was surgery. This led to the biggest scar of them all…

The curve, BEFORE

and AFTER

The condition was called Scoliosis and the surgical procedure was called spinal fusion. Two titanium rods were used to support the new alignment of my spine and some nasty looking screws keep them in place! (they are still in me and are still keeping things straight!)

I am now going to show you my painful time recovering in hospital!

  

* Coming round with my sister and best friend beside me

** learning to walk again with my new back brace on for support

*** my lovely aunt helping me into the car on my discharge day

**** I also lost quite a bit of weight during this time, you may be able to tell.

This next one is a bit gruesome… be aware!

This was a couple of days after the surgery….

And this is NOW! – Barely there!

… it does look pretty epic when I press my shoulder blades together though!

So, as you can see, I’ve had my fair share of scars – both physical and mental – but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have grown so much as a person because of them and have learnt to see the beauty in them overtime. (they are also great conversation starters!)

Show your scars. Wear them with a smile on your face.

Be BRAVE.

* but don’t be stupid and create opportunities to get scars – if you know what I mean!

Love xxx

Relationships <3

I have never been in one – (officially).

Am I the only one who feels like they are alone by not being in one?

Everywhere I look there are happy couples, people getting engaged, weddings … babies!

Was it something I said?!

In all honesty though, looking back over my teenage life, I don’t think I could have coped being in a relationship but now my heart starts to flutter at the thought of it!

I’m not picky either! People often ask me “what is your ‘type’?” and the truth is – I don’t have one!

For example, I find both of these men VERY appealing but they are, quite frankly opposites!

  

*Andrew Garfield – Spiderman    *Chris Hemsworth – Thor

I do have one condition however, and that is this:

* NO GAMING.

**  My No.1 pet peeve is gaming!

*** Ok, that’s a little harsh! It’s alright to play a bit – I even enjoy some car racing periodically – but constant addicts. NO. Just NO.

Sometimes I do fear that I will end up alone … with my cats, of course!

* If I can love a man as much as I do my cats – it’s a done deal!

* Even better, if a man can love ME like I love my cats – they are Gold.

But seriously, that would be great.

On the contrary, relationships can very often be phony. I remember in high school people would say they are an ‘official’ couple and an hour later they are already holding hands, snogging outside the entrance to their next class and constantly on the phone. Now is true love THAT instant?

You also get the people who just want to be in a relationship because that’s ‘the done thing’, but they end up looking as awkward and as stiff as this!

Now I don’t pretend to be an expert on the matter – as I am most definitely not, but I also know how much heartbreak and pain that relationships can bring and my heart goes out to all those who have been or are in a sticky situation with love. Unfortunately, sometimes things just don’t work out but there will always be a reason behind it as nothing happens by accident.

So, what are my top qualities in a guy? Listen up!

1) He loves me and I love him unconditionally

2) He is caring and shows interest in my life

3) We have fun together

4) He is kind and compassionate – not only to me but also to those around him

5) He is a hard worker and always does his best

* I might add that a sculpted figure wouldn’t go a miss but it’s not essential!  Besides, with all my body issues I can hardly expect someone else to have a “perfect” body just for my sake!

So yeah, hopefully some day I will be puckering up to the man of my dreams! In a dress similar to this childish one I tried on in Monsoon a few years ago! 😉

 

Bye for now xxx

One Size Does NOT Fit All.

This post is dedicated to all those who struggle.

I could go on forever about this topic as it has unfortunately preoccupied most of my life, as well as many others.

A while ago I came across the most beautiful quote: 

I think this is so accurate and healthy as the most stunning people are always the ones who look outward and take an interest in other people.

Me and my body have been on a long journey together.

This picture back in 2008 marks the start of it all…things were slipping.

I couldn’t see it then but now looking back it was clear what was going on.

My whole teenage life was composed of doctors appointments, referrals, meetings and hospital admissions.

Despite all the doom and gloom, I did have a lot of fun with the friends I met and we got up to a lot of mischief along the way – including photocopying ourselves, mattress surfing, sleepovers and punching-the-cushion sessions! *(You know who you are!)

We all care, to varying degrees, about our appearance but there is so much more that goes on behind the skull!

I know I am not alone when I check myself out every morning to assess “the damage”…

And because I have recently gained quite a lot of weight from another ‘relapse’ episode, I am having to re-adjust to my body again. Everyday is getting slightly easier but there are still times when I just want to CHOP IT ALL OFF!

As hard as it is, buying new clothes has actually really helped me feel better about myself. There is nothing worse than tight clothes that make you feel like Mr. Blobby!

(Having said this however, I couldn’t quite face the prospect of buying a new pair of jeans for myself and had to have little minions to buy them for me!)

   

* Out with the old, in with the new

Another thing that helps is an exercise I learned in hospital. It is called The String Test. All you do is cut a piece of string to the size that you think your waist is and then compare it to another piece that was actually placed around your waist. I like to add another step, and that is the “How I feel” step. This is because it’s all well and good guessing how big you think you are but you need to also acknowledge how big you FEEL.

This is how it works:

    

* See the difference?

I am learning to embrace my body more and am even starting to feel quite attractive in the right clothes!

* Selfie overload!

This is me wearing the same outfit I did almost exactly one year ago:

  

* So, as you can see, the sleeves are much tighter, my face is rounder, my chest is larger and instead of my hip bone being visible through the material … I have hips.

* Ps. My hair looks pretty bad in the second picture as I didn’t have time to properly curl it like the original.

I do feel a little out of my comfort zone being the size I am now. In my opinion, I think I looked the best in the picture below taken about 2ish years ago …

* (Besides, who wouldn’t look hot on a super huge tractor?! 😛 )

But I am trying to tell myself that this is my “recovery body” and it’s not necessarily where I will stay for the rest of my life – It’s the physical phase my body is in while my head is re-wiring!

Finally, I just wanted to touch on stomachs and thighs as I know these are major areas of concern for most women. I have also been very preoccupied with mine too!

Here they are!

* Not too bad – not perfectly toned, but decent.

* um yeah … bellies look different in varying lights too!

Thighs before and after:

* Bad sun burn, I know.  ** Apologies for the loo in the background!

I have learnt SO much about myself as I have battled my ‘demons’ and have been able to realize what matters the most to me throughout my experiences.

I am not 100% there but I do feel as though a “fog” has been lifted recently – (hence the courage to start up this blog!)

To all those out there who are looking for light, it is obtainable!

“MAN I feel like a woman!” Bah bah bah da da bah bah!

x o x o

Exercise.

That 8 letter word has so many connotations.

For some it may mean this:

While for others it is this: 

Personally, I find the whole “hype” around exercise very intimidating and over the top. In fact, I think some people just post on Facebook that they are going to the gym to make their friends feel jealous or inadequate! Then of course you get those people who claim to be exercising when they look like they just applied a fresh coating of make up on before leaving! And don’t get me started on gym selfies…

*Thanks. I feel so much better about myself now!

There is no better feeling after having just completed a really good workout of running, weights, walking, yoga – or whatever it is you do. But there is no worse feeling than the pressure you put on yourself just beforehand or the feeling you get when you know there are eyes on you in the gym. GAH. Why do we all judge so much?!

Today is Monday. I enjoy Mondays because it is an opportunity to start the week well. This morning I decided that I would go for a swim. I love swimming because it is so soothing and, as opposed to running, you do not get that horrible burning in your lungs or shin splints or sweat running endlessly down your face! You are weightless in water and I find I can really concentrate and get myself into an easy rhythm. (now don’t get the impression I am against running as I am not and have even done my fair share of it in the past, but I would always pick a swim over a run!)

Entering the pool can be cringey – you feel fat in your costume and are consciously aware of that patch of hair you missed on your legs earlier! But everyone is in the same situation as you so you push it aside and face the water!

Here is me, looking fetch in the changing rooms!

I’m about to go in – wish me luck! (haven’t been for a while! :S )

………

Upon exiting the pool I am thinking “Please don’t be too ugly. Please no one look at me!”. So it’s a quick dash to the showers and I am safe! Phew!

I would love to say that I was wrong for worrying and looked like this :

But alas, the goggles left my eyes looking rather…red! (Funnily enough, I also didn’t look as slimy as the lady above!) I wonder why? (;

I also bought a pair of weights the other day as my arms are in need of some attention. I got a pretty good deal from TKMaxx. Once I got them out the box however, I made the awful mistake of reading the packaging and have since developed a bit of a fear of them!

* I don’t know if birth defects are worth having for the sake of biceps!

 Is there ANYTHING that doesn’t give you cancer nowadays?!

Then comes the trouble of what to eat after exercising. The all powerful “shake” seems like the most popular choice  Nah. Not my thing.

So I tried out this really high protein yoghurt today and was really excited about it….

turns out my body wasn’t too happy about it! – Great laxative though! (but it wasn’t even that tasty)

I think i’ll just stick to my favourite sources of protein for now; beans and tuna

 YUM.

Take it easy xx

Chaos in the Kitchen!

If you were to ask anyone who remotely knows me where my passions lie, they would most probably say:

1) Cats,

and

2) Baking.     (Perfect old lady material, right?!… Oh and did I mention I also enjoy knitting?! (; )

*Seriously though, I do have other passions but these two are particularly close to my heart.

Anyway, since a young age I have always enjoyed a casual spell in the kitchen but sometimes it comes in strong waves and I get extra productive and make multiple batches of many things all in one go! You know I mean business, however, if I put an apron on. I normally don’t bother with aprons because i’m so excited to get cracking I forget! Despite ending up caked in flour (excuse the pun) I never learn my lesson. Besides, getting messy is so fun!

So this is how it goes…

I feel all pumped and excited to try out a new recipe or even a beloved tried-and-tested one, so I get in “The Zone”, put on my chef-face and feel fab!

  

*And even though I may not look like the ultimate domestic goddess……I don’t look that bad!

At this point, everything is going fine. (I might add, I’m a pretty confident cook and even surprised my aunt and uncle on Friday with a rather fab looking homemade (pastry included) luxury beef and onion pie with roasted rosemary potatoes and peas!)

So yeah, feeling like nothing can conquer me, I get going….

Now, today I went to a little gathering with some friends so last night was when this all occurred as I decided to make some dessert. I look in the freezer and see some pre-made crumble mixture from a few weeks ago and some frozen cut-up apples from the garden. Perfect! An apple crumble right there. Simple!

…Or not!

*Note, this is what happens when you leave apple to stew unattended whilst you scuttle off to the neighbouring room to watch Saturday night telly! **Bad move.

Ouch! That hurt my pride a bit BUT we had plenty more apple in the freezer so I did it again!

In addition to this though, I thought i’d make something a little more “wow”, so, having popped to the shops for some biscuits and cream I decided to make cheesecake. But alas! CHEESEcake requires CHEESE! Who’d have thought!? …

Typically we had none in the fridge so I spontaneously made a lemon cream pie (which does not require cream cheese and also happens to be one of my mum’s favourite!) And this is what you get:

*I must say, I find this picture strangely romantic and symbolic with the harsh metal clamps confining the smooth creamy interior! – My literary father and sister would be proud of me for that description! But that’s as far as my literary analysis will stretch!

So now my pie is setting in the fridge and the new batch of not-burned apple is cooling in the pan meaning my work is done!

BUT WAIT…..

DUN. DUN. DUN.

*The REALITY of baking = Mess. **Mess and sticky work surfaces!

Oh, and of course, the dishwasher is full and sparkly clean!

TYPICAL.

And then you have to find room in the fridge for random half-used ingredients, such as this poor thing – shaved alive:

So you get my point. There are normally always downs to the major ups in life! And even if you get an emotional ‘high’ by burning apple and making non-cheese cheesecakes, the ‘low’ of clearing up is always there waiting for you. Life is not always as glamorous as tv cooking shows who have invisible minions to clean their mess up for them afterwards! But you just gotta’ suck it up, put those rubber gloves on and get going on the washing up! – either that or empty the dishwasher, it’s entirely your choice!

Bon appetite!

R xx

My Faith

I think I owe my sanity to my faith. It has been a solid foundation for me when everything else has been up in the air.

Some people believe that when they receive trials it is proof that there is no God but for me it does the opposite. And even on the days when I do have my doubts I find that nature brings me back to God again.

Today I had a wonderful day at the Temple in London with my aunt and a friend. In the surrounding grounds there is an old oak tree that was planted by a former President of my church, David O. McKay. The tree has the following plaque mounted on its trunk and its words really touched me as I read them today:

“Living beauty and inspiration, Great strength and stability, Reaching toward heaven, Responsive to God’s sunlight, Casting friendly and comforting shade, Gentle in its contribution to mankind, Unmoved by disturbing winds, To be remembered”.

The line “Responsive to God’s sunlight” particularly stood out to me.

It dawned on me that this is a very accurate statement that can be applied not only to trees but to humans!

We are given so many beautiful heaven-sent gifts which are comparable to sunlight, but are we responding to them in the appropriate manner? Are we grateful for what we have? Does our attitude depend on what we have or what we don’t? And are we ‘growing’ as a result of the light we are given?

It certainly made me think.

The weather was absolutely beautiful with a bright blue sky and a crisp, cold air.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I am proud of my membership, I love my church community and all that we stand for and I believe in things that cannot be seen.

I’m a Mormon (:

See www.mormon.org  or  https://www.lds.org/?lang=eng  for more info.

Until tomorrow!

R xx

My morning routine

Seeing as this is a brand new blog, I thought i’d start right at the beginning of my average day – waking up!

Now let’s face it, no one wakes up like this  because we all really feel like this in the morning… 

I used to be such a morning person, in fact the latest I would ever lie in on a weekend would be 8am! Now is a completely different story however, it’s like I suddenly became a teenager as soon as I officially entered adulthood – typical!

*This is me freshly-woken this morning. I might add that this is quite a good day, sometimes I look A LOT worse than this.

Once I have sufficiently come round I will muster up the willpower to pull the covers off and face the day.

 I will then quickly whip my dressing gown on. I feel so naked otherwise!

Then, of course, it’s a trip to the loo and then off to the kitchen…

I like to start the day with a large glass of water … and then it goes downhill from there! (But that’s another story)

Oh, and I mustn’t forget my pills!

Now, breakfast. Here’s the problem, I tend to base my breakfast on whatever I ate the day before – which is not the right attitude by hey, that’s the truth. So yesterday I had a bit of a binge which meant I wanted a light, refreshing breakfast this morning. After many months of doing so, I will no longer starve myself the day after a binge or skip breakfast as this will only reinforce the negative cycle and slow my metabolism down further.

Today’s breakfast was an orange and I enjoyed eating it in the same manner I would have as a kid…

*THE BINGE.                                         **My childhood orange breakfast.

Once breakfast has been munched I will trot back upstairs and, depending on whether I had a shower the night before or not, will get undressed and enter…the cubicle.

Now I know what you’re all thinking – shaving. And the answer is no. Well yes and no. Shaving is far too much effort for what it’s worth so I will generally only shave if I need to, like if I am going swimming or wearing a short sleeve t-shirt etc. However, the month is currently January so I have no need or desire to deprive my body of the hair it has so kindly grown for me. And that is that.

This is what we all wished we looked like after the shower: 

But this is the reality 

Normally I like to let my hair dry naturally and I will do my make up while I wait but today I had the wonderful job of going into town to pay a library fine so I couldn’t be sitting around for hours waiting!

In terms of make up, i’m afraid I have the same philosophy towards it as I do shaving, I only wear it when i’m on my best behaviour. If i’m home all day I will undoubtedly have a bare face but, like I said, I had an important job to do today so had to look my grand age of 20!

I only wear mascara and occasionally eyeliner. If it’s a really bad day then i’ll put a bit of concealer on but I am a firm believer that if you have a spot then it is far better to leave it alone rather than to smother it in foundation. My sister always nags me about this but, if I were an oozing spot crying for attention I would be most unhappy at the prospect of being drowned in thick gloopy gunge!

Can you guess which eye has mascara on?

After make up, hair and clothes I am all set to go 

*P.s – I am not wearing lip gloss I just licked my lips!

 # ootd. (My mother’s coat, Old Navy jeans and incredibly annoying squeeky boots!)

Anyway..back to my day, as i’m sure you’re desperately wondering how my library fine went…

Not as bad as I thought! I got 20 pounds out just in case 😉

Despite the fine, it was a beautiful day and I took a few sneaky selfies as I walked down the high street

* Looking alright strutting my stuff!   ** WOAH! Not from that angle!

Oh, and one more lovely thing from today, I found this gorgeous butterfly trapped in my room! Albeit dying it was so pretty and i’m sure it had a pleasant trip to the afterlife as I placed it outside!

That’s my day in a nutshell!

Peace and love.

R xx

hello :)

  

I want to prove that everything is not always as it seems. Now, I don’t mean this in a depressing way but it’s true!

When we browse the internet we are bombarded with ads such as “NEW SKINNY PILL WORKS WONDERS” and “BIZARRE HOME REMEDIES THAT BAFFLE DOCTORS” and “FLAT STOMACH IN 5 DAYS”. Not only this but it seems like we can’t even turn to our friends for comfort as all their pictures on Facebook make them seem like they are having the time of their life with their beautiful bodies and fun nights out. But I am here to tell you that this is not the case and I guarantee you that they are facing some kind of issue in their life whether it be a minor insecurity about their tendency to develop a spot on the end of their nose in the same place every month, or that their favourite hamster has recently been diagnosed with gum disease – whatever the issue, the point is that everybody has something going on that they wish wasn’t!

This blog is a bit of an experiment really in that I will be posting pictures of myself and my life, without the use of filters, in an attempt to accurately display my REAL life so that you, my fellow inadequate-feeling-social-media-browsers will realize that you are not on your own, neither are you ugly, or boring or useless. You are YOU and completely and utterly original!

I also want to add that this blog is titled “The Honest Life”, meaning that I intend to be as truthful as I if I were talking to my beloved cat Charlie. This means that some posts may not be all that cheery as, even though I try to be positive, I still face many issues in my own life that I have to deal with.

I hope you enjoy following my honest journey of how life really is behind all the editing and photo-shopped pictures this world has become accustomed to!